Here is the next chapter to my book. If you need reference - here is the link to the previous chapters. It would mean so much if you let me know what you think so far in the comments! I personally prefer a comment over a like - just sayyyin!
Chapter 5
Destiny
The stories that I loved to listen to, the one’s I can sometimes tell when I have a couple of pints within me - the good ones (I know this may seem subjective depending on how many pints I have) - all contain themes of destiny.
At least, those were the best ones, in my humble opinion. I always dreamed of destiny. Of another world that would take me away from my current state of existence. I never knew my mother. I never knew my real father, and I definitely had no idea what a sibling relationship was like.
As a child, I always longed for a family. Even when I wasn’t wanted. I created this dumb idea that destiny or fate, whatever you want to call it, would steer my life around. I think that’s why Jon’s sayings and attitude on life appealed to me. That was the reason why I stayed on his ship for so long, enduring his alcohol problems and messy planning skills. Despite all of my hardships of feeling alone during my times as a street rat, I decided to create my own family on Jon’s ship. This family was never stable, consistent, or reliable. So, I learned a lot of lessons about family throughout the years.
Family wasn’t always cracked out to how the stories were told. People are assholes, especially on board a ship involved with crime. I learned, from personal experiences - to not get too close. However, there was a type of camaraderie on the ship that a true family couldn’t have. There were rules that you were sworn to when entering that type of environment. You never snitched, you never stole from each other, and you trusted no one.
After Jon died, I didn’t have the same attachment to the crew I was with. A new Captain, David, the man the authorities wanted to replace Jon, took over and I did not get along with him. After mourning Jon, I started hopping on different ships. I would get my money, and move on to the next gig. I never wanted to overstay or become too comfortable. Comfort always ended up in pain.
I left on my terms, when I wanted. Nobody really knew why I left. I was just gone. I felt like I knew the system better than anyone at this point, as if I knew it inside and out. People who stayed only got hurt because people are ultimately selfish. Unconditional love never existed in my world. Love always just seemed to end with your heart shattered into tiny fragments, hurting your chest every time you took a breath…
When I met her… I thought everything had changed. I thought I had fully accepted myself for who I was when I was with her. I saw everything for what it was, and I thought I was loved unconditionally by her. I thought she would be safe because men normally weren’t. Men always seemed to be blunt about their needs. I had been with men, but she was the first woman that I had ever been with, and the first person to finally understand me. I was young, naive, and lonely and I thought this relationship would be different for so many reasons. I finally let myself open up to someone. Clarissa. Her name was Clarissa.
I had thought destiny was her. It had something to do with her. I believed in soulmates. I never knew of the term until I met her. She loved to read, not just listen to stories, but she read actual books. She would tell me all of her ideas that she learned from her books and professors. She attended a prestigious University near a famous Port and we had met at a local bar. She had moved away from her parents to pursue a career in Environmental Sciences. She was a scientist and an artist that created beautiful innovations. We talked for hours that night, and I was smitten. She opened my world to so many things. My world was simple and full of survival before I met Clarissa. She made my world more complicated, more complex, and full of meaning. If Jon gave me shelter and purpose, she gave me knowledge and love.
Until she didn’t.
That’s when I realized that relationships are flawed. It doesn’t matter if you’re with a man or a woman. Love just ultimately ends with pain.
The world had stopped and the feeling of destiny had engulfed me. The statue was warm, but everything around me stopped moving and became unnaturally still.
A hum went through my body.
It reverberated my core.
I felt… still.
I felt so many feelings at once. Hard emotions of heartbreak, feeling alone, isolated, and unwanted. All of the emotions that made my heart feel tender, vulnerable, and so utterly empty. They all surfaced my heart, my mind, my body. My head felt oddly clear and present. The hum that I could feel was the energy coursing through it.
“What is happening?” I don’t know if I spoke this out loud, or if I was just thinking so clearly that it sounded like my voice within my head.
I felt almost… detached from these emotions. I could still feel them, they hurt, but they didn’t consume or fog my mind.
I looked around and as I turned, a figure arose from a pool of water in front of me. The woman was the statue. Except alive and moving. She was moving towards me.
You suffer.
Her voice was inside my mind. Her lips did not move. She came up to me and put her hands against the outside of my arms.
Give me your hurt, child.
The oddest thing about this moment was that I started to cry without any resistance. I started to sob, actually. That disgusting cry where you have snot running down your face. When was the last time I had ever allowed myself to feel this way? To cry… to even feel these emotions, I thought.
I always tried to repress them, but here I was - in this surreal dream-like state - sobbing my heart out to a statue. All the feelings of abandonment and memories of heartbreak poured out of me. As I allowed myself to feel these things, it started to turn into dark green smoke and was emitting from my chest, above my heart, and going through the woman’s body. As this toxic waste left my body, I felt lighter. I felt stronger. As it went through the woman’s body, the green turned into an emerald shade that sparkled behind her. The world started to become hazy, sparkly, and that’s when I started to choke.
You can’t create if you hold on to all of this suffering. You need to feel free.
What was happening to me?
As I was coughing, I felt so light and free. Those undesirable feelings were still there, but they weren’t as prominent. The sparkles were agitating my throat, but I felt like I could conquer anything. Without all the pain, I could feel something else replacing my hurt. It felt like…
Magic.
Chapter 6
Aether
I opened my eyes and my hand was on the statue. My feet were on the carpet. I looked around to find Madam Caeli. My body felt weird. Hot. My fingers started tingling.
“Did you meet her?” She asked, breaking me out of my daze.
“If by her,” I pointed to the statue, “then yes.”
“What form did she come to you in?” Her voice sounded impatient.
“What do you mean what form? She was the statue. The woman.”
Her mouth hung open. She quickly recovered.
“She came to you in her human form?”
“Yes.” Why was she so interested?
“Fascinating.” She turned around and started touching the jars in a weird, rhythmic order. The space started pulsing with light in the same pattern she touched the jars of light.
“She rarely visits in that form.” She said with her back still turned to me. Her voice sounded distant, as if there were longing to it.
“Ah, I see.” The lightness I had felt within the trance-like state had carried over into reality. I felt so… good. So strong. My head felt the clearest it has ever been.
My anger from before returned, less prominent, but I still remembered. I just couldn’t get as mad or as passionate as I was before. I had too many questions swarming my mind, and the tingling in my hands was not stopping. If anything, it was starting to hurt.
“I will have to teach you how to channel your energy, now that you have been touched by Aether. I hope, in time, that you will understand more. I can’t explain everything now. Understanding the goddess takes time, energy, and surrendering to the divine. Just know that I wish I would have found you sooner.” She turned around and a tear was trickling down her face.
“What about the papers I need to sign?” I asked, awkwardly. I wanted to move this conversation along. I had already cried enough.
Madame chuckled, wiping the tear away. “You have already accepted the terms by speaking with the goddess.”
It took me a minute to register what she had just told me. Logically, my mind was hurting, My world continued to turn upside down. Magic was very real. Madame Caeli knew my mother like a sister and I could eventually ask her questions about my family. Goddesses existed, and whatever otherworldly encounter I had just experienced had transferred something into my body.
“Julienne, I know this is a lot to process. Your mother was much better at words than I ever was. I was always the action, the force. She was the brains. Please take the time to mull over what you have just experienced. I’ll give you some space. The curtains are drawn right now. I would recommend taking a peak outside while you process everything. Let everything soak in, and when you feel ready to learn more, please come and find me.”
And with that, she left. I was alone.
“Jules,” my voice cracked. “It’s Jules.”
I stood, transfixed at the wooden door where she had left. My head felt dizzy, but my body was buzzing with energy. What did she mean by taking a peak outside? Did she want me to fall off the ship?
I walked over toward the curtains and pulled them open. The entire wall was a window. The sunlight was high in the sky and blazed over the fluffy clouds. I wondered, offhandedly, what it would feel like to fall into one.
I looked over to the right and saw that there was a small, glass door beside the large window. I walked over and opened it. There was a small opening, and a narrow spiral staircase seemingly took you somewhere below. I decided to climb down it.
“Why not?” I muttered.
There was another room right below, but there was no window. It was open to the elements. There were many floating lights in this room as well, along with many cushions, plants, and books along the wall. There was a small garden in the middle of the room. I kept my body to the side of the ship where the railing was. There was a strange glare just in front of me. I stretched my hand out to touch it, but as my hand went beyond the railing, it also touched a seemingly transparent material that wrapped around my hand like a thin blanket. The more I pushed outwards towards the clouds and sunny sky, the more resistance there was. I wrenched my arm back, and it wobbled back into place.
I gasped. The lights around me turned a bright white, and then they went back to normal. It was as if they reacted to my surprise.
I tiredly leaned against the railing, making sure my body didn’t touch that strange material again. My brain was hurting. A dull headache was forming at the base of my neck and heading up to my temples. How in the world did a seemingly drunken escapade get me here? I had seen a goddess. These floating lights were whimsical, yet otherworldly. This transparent material in front of my sight was odd and beautiful at the same time. Madame Caeli had discussed so many topics with me that had flipped and turned my world around. Magic was real.
Tears of confusion and sadness started to flow down my face. I sniffed and brought the sleeve of my shirt to my face to wipe the wetness away. I had a mother.
You have more than just one mother.
The voice of the goddess rang through my mind. I quickly turned around to see if she was standing behind me, but everything looked normal.
What had I gotten myself into? I was hearing voices in my head. My body felt feverish. Was I hallucinating? Maybe I was incredibly ill. I brought the back of my hand to my forehead. It was burning hot.
There were a bunch of cushions at the back of the room in a little alcove. I went over to sit in it. The cushions were silky and so soft. The entire alcove had a tree painted on the inside of it. It was beautiful. My eyes started to droop as I was viewing the painting. The branches and leaves started swaying in the wind.
I woke up on the plush cushions. There was drool off to the side of one of them.
“Gross.” I wiped the drool off the side of my cheek.
It was unnervingly bright. I glanced up to see all of the floating lights above and around me. They were pulsing.
“Jules?” That was Patricia’s voice.
I got up from the alcove, and as I moved forward, they broke formation and dispersed.
Patricia was standing at the entrance.
“I wanted to let you know that we arrived at the Port.”
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