The Enmeshed Empath

Healing Burn Out ✨

Mar 27, 2026

I want to talk about the enmeshed empath.

For those of you who do not know me, my page is dedicated to intergenerational cycle breaking through an embodied mind, body, and spiritual approach.

Before we dive in, I think it’s important for a brief introduction. Cycle-breaking has been a main theme on my page. It started with therapy, and then expanded into body work. Intergenerational patterns can show up in mindset thought-loops (or a scarcity mindset, as I like to call it). It can show up in food patterns or substance abuse, which can affect your body in a multitude of ways. Bessel van der Kolk, the author of “The Body Keeps the Score,” connects how emotions, or traumatic events, can be stored in the body. These things also can affect your energy, which is the spiritual side of things. This mind, body, spirit journey has been very interesting and non-linear, but I have gathered so much information.

If you are on this similar path / journey, I welcome you here to this space. I would love to hear your thoughts on enmeshment. I think it is really important for us to discuss this together and create a supportive community so that we can navigate this truth together. It provides us with a safe place to explore how enmeshment has affected our lives. Every part of the journey is welcome here.

I am honoured that you are here, reading this. I see you, fellow cycle-breakers.

First, let’s get into some definitions.

Enmeshment is defined as, “a psychological state where personal boundaries between individuals - often family members - are blurred or non-existent, leading to a loss of autonomy and excessive emotional dependency”

So what does it mean to be an enmeshed empath?

Well, an enmeshed empath can have blurred boundaries, a loss of autonomy, role confusion, over-involvement in relationships or jobs, and guilt driven loyalty can occur.

This can make relationships or even jobs / situations feel suffocating.

What can I do to help this?

Boundaries, discernment, being honest, acknowledgement, figuring out yourself

It is important to create boundaries that are consistent and firm with any relationship that has siphoned your energy. I call these people “energy vampires.” How can you tell when someone drains your energy? You feel like you have to have a nap after visiting them, or you feel like you have no energy to even go and visit them in the first place. This can actually cause sickness within the physical body, or it can cause anxiety or depression-like symptoms.

Taking small steps towards independence is incredibly important for the enmeshed empath’s journey. This can be a very non-linear healing process, as I described above. It almost feels like you are peeling energetic layers away as you heal this enmeshment wound.

Remember: your empathy is a gift.

That is why it is really important to figure out the tool of discernment. It is important for you to know your own energy vs. someone else’s energy because then you feel more intentional, healthy, and respected. I recommend making a T-Chart. On one side, label: Nourish, on the other side, label: Drain. Start listing what comes naturally to you. Keep the sheet open for you to look at or review through a week. The results may surprise you. You don’t have to do anything about the results. Just write them down first. Answers will come with time.

Giving from a place of guilt driven loyalty only leads to the road of resentment. Giving becomes inauthentic and performative because performance requires you to give at all times. From full energy levels, to states of burn out. This is not sustainable.

You should only be giving from a full cup.

I like to also share my stories, to make this a little more grounded and human. When I was giving from a place of performance with lots of masking and people pleasing tendencies, so much dissatisfaction accumulated in my body. Which ended up becoming mirrored in my reality.

This is when I had to learn how to become incredibly honest with myself.

I was often coming home from work depleted. Fighting naps or states of fatigue and exhaustion. I was overextending myself to all these different people in my life… my job required me to overextend daily. Being a teacher is not easy. The system is so broken and in order to be successful in the field, you have to overextend. It is the only way you “stand out.” It breeds this nasty competitive nature amongst teacher candidates wanting to get a job because we want to change the world, but we all end up abandoning our values and our own needs for the job, the community, the students, the parents, the extracurriculars…. and so much more. The system relies on individuals overextending themselves. And, on top of the job depleting my energy, I felt like all of my relationships and my family were draining me.

I was so confused because I thought I was doing something that I loved. I thought I had connections with people who cared about me.

I had to acknowledge that I was in control of my own satisfaction. I kept giving my power away to other people by playing the victim. I was living in their narrative. I was allowing myself to be the scape goat, the weak one, the one who had no boundaries or power.

In reality, the reason why dissatisfaction was ruling my life was because I just didn’t know my own needs.

This acknowledgement and reality check really helped me neutralize everything. It isn’t about blaming anyone. It is about honouring my own needs.

I was so enmeshed in my job, my community, my family, and my relationships. I knew everybody else’s needs. That is my strength with hyper-vigilance. I could figure everyone out and what they needed (this stems from childhood trauma and dealing with a very chaotic household). But, it felt really difficult, if not impossible, for me to know my needs.

Actually, if people were willing to help me out, I would blow them off and say, “I’m good.” I was not only hyper-vigilant, I was hyper-independent.

These traits developed because I didn’t have reliable adults in my life when I was growing up. I was the consistent, responsible person within my family. I was always called “an old soul” or very wise for my age. I could see other peoples problems really easily.

I think it is important to hold people accountable, which is different from blaming. When we hold people accountable, we are able to maintain boundaries. If we let things slip or slide, that is when we can start getting back into the pattern of self-abandonment. That is why it is important to hold people accountable. This is a key part to healing the enmeshment cycle.

It was really hard to zoom out and see my own needs, because I didn’t realize how badly I needed space.

This may contain: a spider web in the middle of a blurry background with lots of colors on it

Ways to Meet Your Self

Reconnecting with your body is key to unravel enmeshment. I would say grounding is the most important step of this process. Depending on how disconnected you are from your own needs, this may take some time. It took me a solid 6 years for me to figure this out, and the journey is on-going. I don’t say this to scare you, I say it to empower you. I started with 30 day yoga challenges during Covid (thanks Yoga with Adriene + Benji). Each monthly challenge allowed me to connect to different aspects of myself. Massage therapy helped me release tension. Pilates helped me align and strengthen my body. Self care like salt baths, cold / heat therapy, and skin care routines allowed me to reconnect with deep, inner wisdom. It helped me connect that my body holds emotions. For example: my hips hold so much emotion. I remember when I did pigeon pose for the first time and I started sobbing. I didn’t have any idea why I was crying. I just couldn’t stop. As I continued, and did research, I realized that the hips store grief. As I continued doing pigeon pose, memories resurfaced which allowed me to understand the grief. It was important for me to acknowledge the grief and not dismiss it as a fluke. I was curious with it and valued the release, even though it was hard. Each time it happened, I took time to feel the emotion that came up, and I forgave myself. I forgave others. It is a process.
Creating space is incredibly important. Balance is key! I think it is important to surround yourself with people that really fill your cup. This is where pausing is important. After an interaction with someone, pause, and feel into your body. Do you feel drained, neutral, or full? If someone is draining you, and it is a consistent feeling, I would highly recommend putting space between you in this person. Start small. It could be communicating with them less, it could be seeing them less, it could also be sharing less with this person. I am going to talk about triangulation in my next article on healing burn out. When you overindulge with people, they can share information about you and spread gossip, which can really harm your personal healing journey. If they don’t respect your boundaries or personal information, they are not safe people. Period.
Explore your body! Self touch and loving touch is important. It is about practicing curiosity with yourself. This is really hard. I know that this was probably one of the hardest parts on my journey. There was a point in my life where I relied on external validation on my body to feel good about myself. This was because I was extremely insecure within my body. Reconnecting with my body in loving ways was essential for me to start feeling more self love. I started with massaging body lotion into my dry skin. I would say loving words to each body part, even if I didn’t believe it at first. Eventually, over time, I started appreciating my body with more ease. I also noticed how soft my body started to become. It went from very dry skin to very soft and supple. It built more confidence within me. And people noticed. Most importantly though, I noticed.
Lastly, be patient with yourself. This is a messy journey. Enmeshment is full of tangles. That is why I chose the spider web image for this article. We are all interconnected, but enmeshment is the unhealthy form of connection. If we want to achieve healthy ways to connect with people, we have to be patient with ourselves - first and foremost. The more patience we can have for ourself, the more patience we will have for others. EVEN for the people who trigger us. Patience for self helps with radical acceptance. I promise.

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