The tiny house sparrow flew right in front of my car.
“No! Move!” I screamed.
I hit the breaks lightly, I wasn’t going fast. There was a big pick up behind me.
I quickly glanced in my review mirror to see if it’s fragile little body was flattened by my car. Nothing.
The time says 11:23.
I sighed. Then stopped at the 4 way stop sign. This other dude was going to drive right through without stopping! Thankfully, he saw me.
I’m now frazzled. I walk into my house, after the contents of my small bag spilled in the parking lot. Normally, I wouldn’t think twice. But that bird, the ones that are always SO INTUITIVE to get the fuck out of the way, that plunked itself in front of my moving vehicle, has now stuck inside my brain.
After I put my groceries away, I sat on my couch and I sighed. I feel exhausted after a 30 min trip outside. I looked up the symbolism behind the numbers + the bird. The birds symbolism is about resiliency, thriving in a community, and 11:23 (new beginnings, intuition, balance, harmony, growth, abundance) - and I wouldn’t have thought anything of it if it wasn’t for my tarot spread before all of this - it contained the same themes.
I get so tired and annoyed at the grocery store because so many people are in their own little worlds (and I mean, me included), but I also make space for others. I acknowledge that they are around me. I am so hyper aware of everyone around me. It frustrates me when people don’t say anything and just assume or like do things that are just so ignorant - and with a shitty attitude! So - I sent out energy today saying “please start paying attention to others more.” I let myself feel the annoyance. I let myself mutter under my breath. Normally, I would hold this in. But today, I let myself feel AND I also sent out positive energy. It was wild to experience the duality.
I’m also realizing how deep this goes as I write this. That bird is normally a community animal, yet it was by itself when it plopped its body in front of me. I wonder if it is symbolic of me - saying we all bump into each other. I sent so much care and hope to that little bird to make sure it was okay. Now - I think I’m realizing that it is beautiful that I want others to open up to this collective mindset. It is so important to have a strong community. I feel like it is essential to have a strong community to combat mental health issues like depression, anxiety, etc. I think that is why I feel so anxious at points - especially in crowds. I don’t feel like others are holding space for ME. I feel like I’m doing a lot of this work alone. And it is so, so hard. It makes me feel exhausted, burnt out, and isolated. I have a strong support system, so I know I can fill myself up with quality humans - but it is so insane to me how these small interactions can effect me so deeply.
I’m sitting here now, typing this out. Taking a moment to be present and just write. I’m thinking of that little sparrow and the way my consciousness was so aware of every little thing that seemed to collide all at once. It makes me wonder: How would the world shift if we just spent a little bit more energy into awareness as we move through this chaotic world? How would our bodies feel if we felt others making space for us? Would our minds rest more easy if we put intention into our actions? That way, we wouldn’t feel as much regret, guilt, or shame when ruminating / reflecting on our day. Maybe today was just a bird, the grocery store, and a bit of chaos… or maybe it was a reminder that even the smallest, most common things can be invitations to connect, care, to awaken to the collective.
What kind of world could we create if more of us chose to pay attention?
The world would be so much more beautiful and safe!